Home Notes

Moscow: Notes on Not Sucking It Up

Living in Moscow was like sticking around in a toxic relationship. 

“Botanical Garden” station that does not live up to its name.

The kind of relationship where you two are not on the same team. Where your partner gets high from bringing you down. 

The kind of relationship that you defend to your family and friends, not because you disagree with them, but because you don’t want to admit to yourself you’ve failed at making choices. 

The kind of relationship that’s so hard to break free from, because aside from all the bad, there are great moments to it too. The kind of moments that give you hope for the future for a second, but at the end of the day actually keep you tied to the chair. 

We spend so much time justifying self-abuse to ourselves. We want to be happy, but we rarely allow ourselves to do so. The more sickening the cycle, the scarier it is to break it. 

But freedom and love never equal safety zones. And if we’re going to stress ourselves out, we better do that for the freedom and love, not for Moscow.

And let’s be real. No matter how much one loves Moscow, the best part about it will always be “leaving it.”

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